I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
