Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize