She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
