I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
