Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
