your parents love me but you hate me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
