I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
