So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
