how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
