You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I met the friendliest cop last night
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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