Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
