No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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