Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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