I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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