last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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