his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
