I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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