You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You ruined the universe
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
