I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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