i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
