i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This baby is an asshole
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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