So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
