I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
