omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
