Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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