i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize