Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
