I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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