u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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