when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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