Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
