Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
