i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
