the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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