My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she peed on how many people?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
