I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you win again, gameday.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
