It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
