Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
