my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
