i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize