the condom got lost in my hair
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
