She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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