I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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