he shaved USA in his pubs
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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