I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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