end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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