Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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