Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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