How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
