i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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