My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
