The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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