sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
