I CAN MOONWALK!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
