I am in a vortex of obligation.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
