Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
