put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
