so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
