Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
