My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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