the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize