Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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