I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Boobs speak an international language.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
