I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
