Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
