i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
