dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
